“Greetings, valiant warriors. hail and well-met !! I am King !!
Of late my fair star-kingdom, Galaxy of Metrovania, has been overrun by the dark forces !! Villain Kaiser, nefarious overlord of Magma Chainsaw Sector of The Darkness World, come back from The Nether Horizon on a mission of conquest !! Leading the armies of evil WIERDO across Galaxy !!
Are you a skills enough hero to fight to the WIERDOS ?? Your responsibility is defend Galaxy from Villain Kaiser !! With shining hope. Have you understand what I says ?? Prepare for the action play — move it out dauntlessly. Fight !! Go to !! next Sector !!”
So yeah. Hi. Welcome to the world of “Super Pwnzorfaust”.
I’ve got a thing on the “About” page if you’re curious about what exactly Pwnzorfaust is, but I can summarize it by simply saying: I don’t know. This is one weird game, and I don’t know where or when it came from. It’s the story of an unnamed hero that seems to be some sort of every-man teenage fighter, as is common in video games, except that sometimes he inexplicably turns into a mechanical knight or a Formula-1 driver, plus the power-ups that turn him into a vampire, ghost, or zombie. King of Galaxy up there is very helpful, so long as you’re after anything besides explanations. But heck, the whole thing is such a throw-back to older platformers, it’s not a huge deal; there was never really much reason why a blue hedgehog should fight an evil roboticist version of Teddy Roosevelt, or why plumbers were the best people in the Mushroom Kingdom to become superheroes. And then there’s the much, much weirder ones like “Decap Attack” and “Bubble Bobble”…sometimes it’s best to just not ask questions.
Anyway, lots more to come. Check back soon!